2019 in Review, and Looking Ahead to 2020

After several weeks of writer’s block, I felt I had to come here and at least try to write something. Even if it’s just a couple of lines…

I am sitting alone in my room, with Robbie Williams’ rendition of If I Only Had a Brain playing in the background on my Google Play Music page. It’s at quiet times like these where I am able to reflect on things.

So, I am sitting here thinking about what a year this has been. Thinking about how, in just a few days, we will not only be starting a new year, but also a new decade.

Generally, I’d say that 2019 has been a fairly good year for me.

I left my old job at Evolution Gaming in search of a career which gave me a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction. As luck would have it, approximately a month later, I was accepted at a nearby school on what was my first-ever teaching experience. I started out as a sports playworker for the summer months, then after seeing how well that went, I decided to stay on for the rest of the scholastic year. My duties now involve taking on one-to-one cases with students who have learning difficulties, and even taking charge of classes, helping them out during their homework session and organising all sorts of activities for them. It feels great to finally do something which is so gratifying, in an environment where I truly feel respected, appreciated, and loved!

When it comes to another passion of mine – drama – 2019 has also brought with it great opportunities.

Earlier this year, in April, I had the absolute pleasure of working with a talented group of young people in Birgu’s edition of Jesus Christ Superstar; by far the most physically demanding and active performance I’ve ever been involved in. While this experience further confirmed that nobody will ever see me on an episode of Dancing with the Stars anytime soon, it was thrilling to have been a part of one of my favourite musicals of all time.

More recently, as you’ve probably read in previous blog posts, I landed my biggest role in a theatrical production in my six years of acting so far. The part of Billy Gray in The Goat, or Who Is Sylvia?, which was another big challenge, yet a huge success.

So what does 2020 have in store?

Simply put: more of the same, I hope!

More good memories, more positive experiences and opportunities to learn from and write about, and more success in whatever I do.

Whether it’s a new book (or several dozen) which I just bought, a novel which has made an impact on me, an adventure I’m about to embark on, a witty and quirky phrase I come up with, or a good old fashioned rant about something which raises my hackles, you’ll know all about it right here on See. Think. Write.

Here’s to a more productive, pleasant, and prosperous 2020!

Best wishes to you all, dear readers, for the Yuletide period and for the upcoming new year!

Warmest regards,

– Preston

2018: Year in Review

Here we are again, ladies and gentlemen, on the cusp of a new year. The year 2019.

Today, dear readers, I wanted to share some highlights with you from my 2018, which was a very positive and adventurous (in many ways) year for me.

January / February – What a way to have started the year! My second visit to Canada, my country of birth. Only this time during winter. My first time seeing snow, and experiencing sub-zero temperatures. How can I ever forget the soft, fluffy texture of snow, the cold sting as it lands or brushes against my face. The frozen lakes, which seemed eerily quiet without the ducks and geese swimming in them, as they had been doing in the summer of 2016. The eerie, yet cool peacefulness of the parks, with rarely a soul in sight; just blankets of white.

My trip to Canada was also the beginning of another journey for me, you could say. It was at the Mississauga Central Library that I happened to come across a book by Karl Ove Knausgaard, and was reminded of the time that my English teacher from college – Mr. Engwall – had recommended the author to me. After doing my thorough research – which consisted mainly of watching a bunch of author interviews, and reading dozens of book reviews – I geeked out on Knausgaard, and decided to give his works a try. And, well, you all know how that turned out… 😉

My two-part ‘blog-aboration’ with Taleoftwobloggers, run by Abigail and Sarah.

Later in February – Auditioning for Evolution DanceCo. Productions’ panto, and being chosen to take on the role of Maurice.

March – Attending my first Buddhism-related talks by the humble and extraordinary being, Chamtrul Rinpoche.

April – My 22nd birthday. Another year older! Hooray! 🎉

May – 328 matches later, a few days after officiating in an Under-14s Tournament Final one scorching summer afternoon, I decided to call time on my refereeing career. The end of what was an inspiring, eye- and mind-opening, unforgettable, challenging, exciting, illustrious three-year career.

Also in May – The start of a new page in terms of employment. Starting my new job at Evolution Gaming, as a card shuffler. I swear, I’ve made a name for myself for picking somewhat uncommon jobs.

November – Successfully passed my work probation period, and first “anniversary” since I started driving.

Unsuccessful in getting chosen for the Shuffler Team Supervisor position at work.

Also had a small part in a local horror TV series called Aenigma.

The passing of Mr. Stan “The Man” Lee. A death which shocked the entire comic aficionado community.

December – All three pantomime performances went very well and smoothly, despite the last-minute drama which happened during production week.

A week later, I was back performing on stage, this time for a live nativity pageant, reprising the role of a shepherd (which was my first-ever role back when I was a wee toddler, at Stagecoach, a drama school I used to attend).

End to the 2018 MLS season; one to forget for fellow Toronto F.C. supporters.

———-

I’m sure there are a few more things which I’ve missed, but these were the ones that came to mind as I reflected on how this year has been. And as you can see, the positives certainly outweighed the negatives.

So, what does 2019 have in store, you ask? Of that I am not certain. I tend to live day by day, or in the moment, nowadays. I would be lying to you if I said I don’t think about the future at all, but I try not to dwell on it too much. Ultimately, all we have is now.

From all here at See. Think. Write. (namely myself), I wish you all a prosperous new year filled with lots of love, peace, and success.

I look forward to producing more content in the upcoming year. Hopefully better and fresher than before.

2018, so long and thanks for all the fish!

Cheers to 2019! 🍾 🥂

– Preston

Upon reflection…

Five years ago I decided to end my first-ever relationship.

I was seventeen at the time, and it would change my life forever.

On one hand, I knew I was doing the right thing for myself. I’d had enough of being emotionally and verbally abused by a woman whom I thought “loved” me. On the other hand, I couldn’t help but still feel miserable knowing that I would go back to being single and alone. Because, let’s face it, as bad a relationship as it may be, it’s always hard to leave someone after you’ve shared pretty much everything with them in the time you spent together; your deepest thoughts, feelings, secrets. Your own physical self during those moments of intimacy, perhaps, too. But none of this deterred me from sticking to my decision.

Fast-forward to today, and I am so glad to have done so.

In these past five years I’ve had the time to truly find myself and be myself. To build a better and tougher personality and character. To do the things I want, think what I want, say what I want, wear what I want, go out when and where I want, eat what I want, speak to whom I want. Try new things, make mistakes, learn from them, then try other things. To pursue my dreams and aspirations, take on challenges and new experiences in life; travelling, driving, painting, acting, refereeing. Writing.

It meant freedom and independence.

I’ve also gotten to know my own self better by making time for self-reflection. Knowing what I really want and do not want; in people, in jobs, in love, in life. Setting new goals. Dreaming bigger and better. Making my own choices, exploring different paths, closing one door, opening another.

It was refreshing and relieving. Therapeutic to a certain extent, even.

And probably, most of these things wouldn’t have been possible had I stayed in that negativity.

But there are two sides to every coin, as the saying goes…

After having experienced a toxic first relationship, trusting people, nowadays, has never been harder. Contrary to what I used to be before, I now tend to be more distant or hesitant when it comes to meeting new people or making friends. In fact, I am not ashamed in saying that I don’t have any friends. Colleagues at work, being closer to some more than others, sure, but that’s as far as it goes. And I know, being like this doesn’t exactly improve my chances of going out on a date, or having a new girlfriend. I might even come across as an arrogant prick, who’s got some superiority complex, at times. But I’d rather come across like this, rather than someone who will allow people to just walk all over him like a carpet. If I sense that you’re not a positive impact in my life, then, with all due respect, jog on mate. This is how I weed out the bad apples from the good. And although this approach only makes me more introverted, it isn’t necessarily a bad thing, I believe.

Perhaps this mindset of mine, too, will change someday.

 

One quote which perfectly sums up all I’ve said above is:

“Surround yourself with people who make you happy. People who make you laugh, who help you when you’re in need. People who genuinely care. They are the ones worth keeping in your life. Everyone else is just passing through.”

– Karl Marx

 

That’s right.

Make sure that you are surrounded by people who inject love and positivity into your life.

And there’s nothing shameful about being alone. In fact, I’d encourage you to embrace it whenever the moment presents itself. So what if all your other friends are either married, or in steady relationships? You should not feel pressured in any way. It’s better to take your time – five years, ten years, twenty! – and be truly happy and content, then settle for something which you are not completely happy with.

Never settle for anything or anyone below your standards. But always remember that any experience, be it good or bad, will serve as a learning curve.

 

I am sitting here on my chair, alone in my room, finishing off this write-up, occasionally looking straight into the triangular mirror just above my desk. My eyes a tad bloodshot and watery after what has been an emotional five-hour process of self-analysis and reflection, then pouring everything out, no holding back. Switching between thinking and writing, eating and drinking, and also including a single 30-minute impromptu session of cathartic crashing-and-bashing on my electronic drum kit.

Honestly, I have never felt so good after writing something. Strangely, the ideas, feelings, and emotions kept on flowing after the first sentence. They weren’t so hard to express. Letting go in writing can indeed be beautiful sometimes.

For someone who’s detested essay writing since college, this to me feels like one of the best posts I’ve ever produced. And, I have to admit, I feel proud of myself for accomplishing such a literary feat.

So please, dear reader, allow me the bragging rights for just this once.

At the age of 22, I have still lots more to learn and make progress in, in my life. To be the best I can be, not for anybody else, but for myself primarily. But I am immensely satisfied with the person I am; flaws and all. The man I’ve grown to become. How a mix of positive and negative events in my life so far have shaped me to be the guy I am today.

After a long time, I am now at a place in life where I’m confident enough to see my reflection in the mirror and say: ‘Kid, you’re a fucking champion!’

 

“Love who you are, embrace who you are. Love yourself. When you love yourself, people can kind of pick up on that: they can see confidence, they can see self-esteem, and naturally, people gravitate towards you.”

– Lilly Singh

 

“KID, YOU’LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!”

– Dr. Seuss (from Oh, the Places You’ll Go!)

 

– Preston

Our Visit to Mater Dei’s Rainbow Ward

Ending 2017 on a positive note, and in a reflective mood.

Earlier today, we – a group of active referees, ex-referees, and Academy students – paid a visit to the Rainbow Ward, at Mater Dei Hospital. We were kindly greeted by the friendly staff, there, and shown around the patients’ rooms by Puttinu Cares founder himself, Rene Zerafa. Also, in the end, we presented them with a cheque donation, and a referee’s shirt signed by every one of us.

Hearing about some of the cancer cases was simply heartbreaking, and unpleasant. Such a horrid disease is ugly and unfair on anyone, but most especially on young, innocent kids.

On the other hand, it was a humbling experience which taught us how much we should appreciate our lives, good health, and loved ones who take care of us on a daily basis. How some of our “problems” are nowhere near as worrying as other people’s.

Hats off to the MFA Refereeing Department for coming up with such a great initiative! Thanks, once again, to Puttinu Cares for the hard work they do with all these people in need, and for welcoming us with open arms and a warm, pleasant smile 

– Preston Carbonaro

Are You a Potato, an Egg, or a Coffee Bean?

I know what you may be thinking: “This guy’s lost it! What kind of question is that?!”.

However, I bet you’ll be asking yourself the same question after you’ve seen this post.

I stumbled upon a video today which really gets one thinking.

Simply by using 3 common, everyday objects – a potato, two eggs, and coffee beans – it explains one of life’s greatest lessons.

The moral of the story, you ask?

Well, in life, things happen around us, things happen to us, but the only thing that truly matters is how you choose to react to it and what you make out of it. Learn, adapt and choose to make the best of each experience.

So, have you thought about it?

Take some time to reflect, and ask yourself…

Am I like the potato, that seems strong at first, but then wilts and loses strength in the face of adversity?

Am I like the egg, which starts off being soft and liquid at the centre, but then hardens after being boiled? Do I have a soft heart, but then bad experiences in life make me a tougher and stronger person?

Or am I similar to the coffee beans? During difficult times, do I get better, and try to change the situation which I’m in to draw out the positive aspects from it?

Which one are you?

– Preston Carbonaro